Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Friday, November 26, 2010
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I`m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you`re going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I`m finished with my bath, guess who`s going to dress me and comb my hair?""The funeral director," said his wife.
Social SecurityA retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver`s license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
Seen in my local paper`s "readers sales" section.FOR SALE BY OWNERComplete set of encyclopaedia Britannica.45 Volumes. Excellent condition.?1000 pounds or best offer.Reason for sale:- No longer required.Got married last weekend.Wife knows everything.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn`t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."